Word Worry November 29, 2009

Each year the New Oxford American Dictionary chooses a new word of the year. The word is something that symbolizes the happenings, or social climate, of a given year. For example: In 2008 the word of the year was hypermiling , which means “to attempt to maximize gas mileage by making fuel-conserving adjustments to one’s car and one’s driving techniques.” Very fitting for a year filled with soaring gas prices and instability in terms of oil imports. In 2007 the word of the year was locovore. This one has experienced immense popularity, and  is used to describe the efforts to use locally grown ingredients, take advantage of seasonally available foodstuffs that can be bought and prepared without the need for extra preservatives. These are some amazing words to describe a collaborative consciousness raising that has occurred in our country during the last few years about serious topics such as global warming and some of our daily practices that are intrinsically wrecking our ecosystem.

So what would 2009 have in store for us? It’s been quite a year. We inaugurated the first ever African American president. We’ve continued on in an unjust and immoral war. We’ve suffered a crushing economic setback that has left record numbers of people unemployed or underemployed. And in the midst of all of this, the New Oxford American Dictionary chose for their word of the year UNFRIEND. And I quote from THEIR example “I decided to unfriend my roommate on Facebook after we had a fight.”

Readers, I thought I was going to have to pull over my car when I heard this selection! They chose what?! Now, let me back up a little. To begin with, I am a social networking enthusiast through and through. I twitter, I facebook, I blog, I do quite a bit, and spend quite some time doing it. I have made some of my best friends through social networking, and I’ve reconnected with some of the most influential people in my life. I’ve found a JOB through social networking. You are unlikely to find someone who will defend social networking as much as me. My stance on it is this. We are creatures who need community. Something is inherent in us attempting to connect, contribute, and confide in others. We want to be heard, to be understood, and to be validated. We want to share knowledge, experiences, and hardships. We don’t want to be alone.  Social networking can give us all of that, at least in small doses.  At least it has for me. As a single mother I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be the only one laughing when my kid pulls her pants down at Target. And, likewise, I don’t want to be the only one crushed by the sobs of my sick babies. Aside from that, I DO want to be able to have adult conversation when Handy Manny is playing in the background. So as you can see, I GET why we use the stuff.

All that being said, I’m heavily disturbed by the word of the year. I love linguistics, and as a good social scientist I know that language tells us so much about our society. You can learn a lot about a culture by studying how many ways they can say certain words. Or by examining what words don’t exist in various languages. So what is the choice of unfriend saying about OUR current culture?

Not only does it bother me that the subject matter is so trivial, but it also is so negative! With all the good things I think social networking can do, it also has some horrendous things as well. And the selection committee for the word of the year just highlighted one of those! Unfriending isn’t something that builds community! It isn’t a positive way to express yourself and have a voice. It’s the Jr. High effect that can quickly drain all the fun out of things like facebook. Here are the list of the other words in the running for 2009, and as you can see… it’s pretty pathetic!

2009, you’ve officially been warned. You have one month left to get your act together. Or I just might have to unfriend you!

You don’t need new clothes, you need to do laundry November 15, 2009

That is going to be my motto for the next 8 months. The countdown to Africa begins, and to be honest I don’t know exactly how it’s all going to get paid for. Regardless, I am going.

I am, however, trying everything in my power to save money wherever I can. I’m trying to think of clever ways to shave off my close to non-existent spending budget. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

I’m not going to buy any new clothes this winter. Last year I only bought clothes that were used, and this year I’m taking it a step farther. I’m getting clothes only from clothing swaps or from friends who want to give them to me (and luckily there are quite a few who have).  This is extremely hard for me. I love shopping. I love clothes. It’s a big deal and you should pat me on the back (and buy me some shoes) for this one. I am going to allow TWO clothing purchases, however. I desperately need new running shoes (killing myself) and I kinda want to buy some snowshoes. I don’t think those actually count as clothing, however. I certainly won’t be wearing them out any time soon.

Uggg. I don’t even like to type this one. I’m trying to not go out that much. It’s not like I actually “go out” very often as is, but I figue if I go out even less then not very often, that =’s more $. Last week I made my friend come over to my house when I was kidless instead of going to dinner or drinks.  It’s a start. I just feel miserable when I can’t be with people. When I can’t interact, and laugh, and dance, and have adult conversations at least once a week… I feel like I’m in my own sort of hell.

Aside from these things, I’m not sure what else to do! Nobody wants to buy babies these days. The market is horrible. Besides, I don’t really want to sell them (except at 5:00 in the morning). Anyone have some money saving tips for me? Clearly I have a lot to learn.

So here are a few things I can’t do. I can’t sell my car, cause I already did that a year ago to buy a house! So now I have my grandpa’s old boat/car that has AARP stickers on it (but will fit three car seats in the back!) Nobody is going to pay $ for this car, so it’s not an option.

I can’t start taking the bus to save gas money. I have two kids, two jobs, and two different child care locations. My days are insane. It’s not happening. End of story.

Anything else, I’m willing to give a shot! Give me suggestions. How do you save money?

*Note: While working on this blog my phone died. Like DIED died. Won’t even charge. Please tell me one of your money saving ideas involves me buying a new iPhone?!

Furaha! November 11, 2009

The words are difficult to form because I’m still in a bit of shock, or maybe I am simply overjoyed. I’m going to Africa. Those are the important words. Here are a few more that might further elaborate. Below is a letter that I wrote to one of my best friend that explains things a little better.

So, for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to go to Africa. It’s a weird dream for a child to have, and I’ve never been able to truly put words to the desire except for that I simply feel a connection to this place I’ve never seen. During my college experience I took every class I could on Africa, even going as far as attempting to learn bits of Swahili. All this education did me very little good, however, because I had never even met a person from Africa let alone traveled there. Eventually during one of my anthropology classes the opportunity I had hoped for was presented to me. My instructor read an announcement that the Girl Scouts were looking for volunteers to mentor a group of Somali Bantu Girls. I jumped at the opportunity and it became an amazing experience. This somersaulted into even more opportunities and soon I found myself in the homes of African refugees on a weekly basis. Even when it became a job to me I still enjoyed it so much. I never wanted to focus on our lessons because I was so interested in finding out as much about them as I could.

I was reflecting on this unexplainable connection a few weeks ago and I started im’ing a friend. I just announced to her, “I’m going to go to Africa”. This friend has known me for quite some time, so I don’t expect she was surprised by it one bit. She simply replied back “good. you should”. This friend also has the past knowledge of understanding that at one point I had my heart set on the Peace Corps, but I got pregnant and the dream was no longer a reality. So here I was announcing that I was going to Africa but having no idea how this could possibly happen.

So I started doing what I do. Research. And I found that it wasn’t as unrealistic as I might have thought. I found an agency that I feel best suits my needs. They do volunteer trips to places all over the world. They are not religiously or politically affiliated, which was one of my biggest concerns. The best part of it all is that they do trips for as short of a time as two weeks. This was amazing because I can’t really fathom being away from the girls for any longer than that. They do amazing work in places all around the world. I scoured over information for weeks before finally deciding that I felt my talents could best be utilized as a volunteer teaching in a community school in Kenya.

I’ve basically researched until my brain hurts. Here is the short of it. I’ve been accepted into the program. I’ve gotten the time off work. I’ve ok’d the trip with Jeran who has agreed to take the girls for two weeks. I’ve corresponded with GVI (the agency) until my fingers are about to bleed.

[Ommitting long portion here about the ugliness/scariness of the financials. You all don't need to worry about that mess. ]

But yet, I still REALLY want to do it. I know that I would never ONCE regret the decision. I just feel like it’s something I HAVE to do. I have never traveled outside the Americas. I have never had the experience of studying abroad or traveling internationally. And the timing is finally right. The girls will be 4 and 2, old enough for me to be away for 2 weeks. It will be right before I start grad school, which will be a two year committment that I am making. It has to be now. In addition to all of this, I have a co-worker who has a daughter living in Kenya right now. My co-worker has been trying to plan a trip to go there in June. I confided to her that I was trying to do the same because I was worried about overlapping schedules. She admitted to me that as much as she wants to go at that time, it’s a bit of a pipe dream because she doesn’t know how she’ll afford it. The reason she was planning for then is because her daughter is coming home for several weeks and she was going to help her with her two small daughters (5 and 3) on the flights back. It suddenly dawned one me… I could help her! I mentioned it to my co-worker and she was immediately delighted by the idea. It would allow her to save money and go at a further date when she hadn’t seen the girls in awhile.”

So that’s the very long short of it. If you’re interested in any of the logistics about it, the agency is this GVI. Where I’ll be staying is here:

View Larger Map

The most important thing about this trip is that it is truly is for me. The reason I chose a volunteer trip is because I don’t really know anybody in Africa, I’m traveling alone, and it seemed like the best way for me to travel at this point in my life. I’m in no way trying to “save Africa”. For starters I don’t think Africa needs saved, and secondly I don’t imagine for a second that I will make any kind of impact in two weeks. Not on Africa, not on Kenya, not even on the town I’m staying in. But I do think that it will make a life long impact on me. I want to see,  experience, learn,  listen, and love. I’ve never been challenged in my way of living. I want this challenge. I want to save Megan, more than anything.

Family Rules October 26, 2009

Some article I read recently got me thinking about the rules that we grow up with, and how they can shape who we become. I don’t really remember having any rules growing up. Well, maybe I should re-phrase that. I don’t really remember having rules until I broke them, and then they were noticeable. Apparently there was a “no stealing your friend’s parents car and running over their neighbors’ mailbox when you’re 13″ rule. And breaking rules always resulted in even more rules like “no running away from home when you find out you’re grounded for running over the mailbox or now you are REALLY grounded” rule. There probably were actual rules, I clearly just had a lot of other things on my mind (like trying to figure out how to drive).

So I’ve been considering what the rules of my home are, if any, or what I hope they will be. It’s hard when the girls are so little because 90% of the rules I thought of revolve around not inflicting bodily harm to others. Although those are probably keepers but I hope at some point they will become common sense. *hope*

So it didn’t leave me with much, but here are a few rules that guide us and will help newcomers decide if they want to join us.

1) We don’t brush our hair. Seriously, hardly ever can you even find a brush in this house. I don’t know if this one actually needs to be a written rule as much as it just is de facto. We aren’t vehemently opposed to brushing hair, we just always seem to forget. We are the craziest haired clad you’ll ever see! (Examples demonstrated below)

2) We share EVERYTHING! Maybe I am a big ol’ socialist, but not sharing drives me crazy. This rule should actually state “We share nothing and therefore mom yells a lot and we sit in time out all the time.” But someday I envision a utopia of sharing residing under this roof.

3) We don’t swallow screws. Due to recent events I feel the need to add this disclaimer to any discussion I possibly can. ” Swallowing screws is very dangerous. It makes mommy very scared. We have to go the hospital and you have to sit still and not whine for much longer than you are capable of. It is also VERY expensive. So if you want Christmas presents I suggest you stop shoving metal objects in your mouth. Oh, and p.s. you have to poop out whatever you swallow. Your choice, but I think there are better options than pointy metal pieces.” I hope we are clear on this rule and that I don’t have to go over it again.

4) We have a ton of fun. Always. We laugh, play, dance, and sing through the tears, the stress, through all of my meltdowns. Life is way too fun not to do these things. OUR life is way too fun to not make this a rule we live by.

I think that’s it! Pretty simple, huh? Although I am reserving the right to create new rules Bill Maher style at any time, especially if any more non consumable objects are swallowed.

Where the Wild Things Live October 20, 2009

I went and saw Where the Wild Things Are on Friday night with some good friends. I loved it. I knew I was going to love it before I even saw it.I sensed it. What I didn’t expect, was how attached to it I became. I’m usually the type that needs to “relate” to something for it to really matter to me. That’s what defines a good book, movie, or even commercial for me. This used to limit, in a way, what I would watch or read because I had pre-conceived ideas about whether I would enjoy something or not. I was pretty traditional in setting and tone. Didn’t care for sci-fi, fantasy, or unrealistic depictions very much. However, now I’m finding that themes can be prevalent even if circumstances are not relate-able (apparently I’ve made that word up according to spell check. Get used to it. I do it often.)

Going into the movie I thought, or I knew, I would love it in a nostalgic kid frenzy way. I didn’t expect to be drawn into another emotional storyline, however. In the book Max is this wild, creative, fanciful boy who has a rampant imagination and a bit of a temper to match. Very similar to the beasts that he meets. What you don’t see, in the story, is Max’s mother. I had never imagined what characteristics she might posses. What daily struggles she might face. But here she was, before me in the theater, and I was floored with emotion.  A single mom, trying to recover from a divorce and beginning to move on with dating. She loves her son beyond belief, but she’s also exhausted by him. Exhausted by a constant need for attention. Exhausted by his creative genius. Exhausted by his anger. I’m sure you can’t imagine why I was drawn in, right?

So yes, I have a Max. And yes, I’m constantly exhausted. I wanted to hug this fictional mother. To hold her up. To cry with her. When she hugged Max, I wanted to hug him until the craziness left his body. Hug him into the ground so he could just hold still for a moment. That might actually be called smothering, so as you can see it’s a fine line what I want to do to my Max (otherwise know as Evan). There is one scene in the movie where Max jumps on to the counter and won’t get down.

And I swear to you the next day when we were at our friend’s house Evan hopped up on the coffee table and did this very thing. And I think I had that same look on my face. Luckily the coffee table is much lower to the ground, and she is much easier than Max is to remove. At least at this point. Give her a few years. All that I could think at that moment was “I have a Max, and I have no idea what to do with her”. The anger, the passion, the drama. All of it. It puzzles me daily how so much strong emotion could be bottled up in one quizzical three year old.

To my wild thing: I hope that I can find a way to hug you without taming the wild streak that makes Evan. I hope you will continue to dream, entertain, and charm. I also hope you will find a way to deal with YOUR beasts, so you can experience some calmness in your life. So both of us can.

I did it. October 19, 2009

I’m joining the blogosphere (or whatever they call it here). I’m having to train my brain to think in more than 140 characters. I’m sick of twitter, bored of facebook, and I need some sort of journal to someday present to my kids to prove I wasn’t some horrible neglectful mother (I just am not the scrapbooking type).  Oh, and did I mention I have OH SO MUCH SPARE TIME that I need to fill? (*insert link to sarcastic grin here*)So here we go. Welcome to my blog.